Love Bullshit - Another Complete Waste of Time

**musical mood preference: Rock Against Bush Vol. 2**

1. Does love suck? No, though it does have its definite low points

2. Are you in love right now? No

3. Do you actually like being in love? Yes, and more and more I miss it. But Its the reason I wake up in the morning... The hope that I might find that again.

4. Be honest. Did you answer that question truthfully?? Yep

5. What kind of crazy things has love made you do? Cry, alot; sometimes for no reason

6. Does love inspire you? Yes, in alot of the things I do. The hope for love inspires me

7. If so, what does it inspire you to do? To wake up, to go to class everyday. This in the hopes that I meet someone and fall in love again

8. When you love someone, do you feel a fluttery feeling in your heart? YES, I love the slightly queasy feeling.

9. When you have a crush on someone, do you think you actually *love* them? No

10. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yeah, in a way

11. Why or why not? Well I believe people can make an instant connection that can foster the best and longest lasting kind of love.

12. Would you ever want to be in love again? (If you're with someone, ask yourself honestly. Your significant other will never see this, I swear! If you weren't with him or her, do you think you'd love someone again?) I hope so. I'm a loving person, so if someone is willing to love me, I definitely think so.

13. Do you think sex is an important part of love? Actually, no, I don't. (That's sort of sad...)

14. If you answered yes, you are definitely male. WELL FUCK

15. When you dream of being broken up with your love (or have in the past, when you were actually still together), how did this make you feel? The same way I feel when I wake up into reality.

16. When you dream of being back with an ex, are you disappointed when you wake up? Be completely honest here! I know you'll be compelled to stretch the truth! Yes, totally. And more than one Ex, too.

17. So...are you sure you know if love sucks or not?? I only know that I don't know nothing

18. When you're in love, do you think you actually think straight, especially when around the person you're in love with? Depends how long I've been with the person. My judgement tends to straighten out the longer I've been with a person.

19. What's better? Sex, love, or chocolate? Love

20. Okay, now, what would you prefer...being with the person you do love (or did and broke up with, but would like to be with again...or even just a crush that you *really* think you love), OR a million dollars? Being with a person I truly love and they love me back.

21. Now, take that million dollars, and multiply it by ten. Would you still take that person over the money? Any day of the week.

22. This brings me to another random question that I was discussing at work the other day. If someone came up to you with a million bucks in cash, and told you that you could give the money straight to a research center for cancer, AIDs, leukemia, or a disease of major concern, and your million dollars would be the key to the cure of all present and future cases, and, God forbid, you ever get the disease, you'd be cured, or your loved ones or friends...or, you could take the million bucks and just spoil the hell out of yourself...what would you do?? I'd give it up even if I weren't given a garuntee that it would be the key to the cure. I dont have money now, and I'd probably just blow it all anyway, might as well give it away.

23. Why? (This is here only IF you didn't elaborate on your answer before. *probe probe*) See above

24. Back to love...if love was a flavor of ice cream, what flavor would it be? Chocolate chip cookie dough. mmmmm

25. If love was a game...any kind of game (board game, verbal game, video game, casino game, etc...), what game would it be? Please be specific, and tell me WHY it would be that game!! In my experience, the game of SORRY!, but in a perfect reality, it would be something like the game of LIFE in which everyone wins.

26. Okay...so, if love were a person, would it be male or female? Why? Female, just because women are the best personification of real gentle emotion.

27. And if love were a car, what kind of car would it be? A 7 series BMW.

28. Is love blind (as in, it is, and makes you, blind) or is it a new, bright, 20/20+ vision window to the world? Love is blind, it sneaks up on you sometimes and involves people you would never think could fall in love.

29. Do you think we'd all be better off if we just loved our pets? That's pretty sick Chubbs.

30. Is love more like a cat or a dog? Why?? A Cat I suppose. I dont know.

Today's Agenda

**musical mood preference: Teenage Girls - Cheerleader Offering**


Today's agenda:
go to work

clean my room

do my fucking laundry

read Euripides Medea

write 20 pages worth of complete bullshit

get completly shitty and blazed

pass out, preferably not in a pool of my own vomit or locked in a bathroom.

repeat as necessary



Drunken words of wisdom:
When I speak, I speak about what I speak. & when I speak, motherfuckers listen to what I'm speak.

Old Friends

**musical mood preference: Black 47 - I Got Laid On James Joyce's Grave**

It was great to see everyone yesterday. I'm glad to know that all my friends are doing well and are relatively happy. It was well worth the hour's drive to see everyone and I hope to see everyone again over Christmas break.

Can't Sleep, Terrorists Will Get Me (What George & Dick want you to Believe)

*musical mood preference: Sonic Youth - Schizophrenia**

Sorry, bit of political commentary in the title, but the point of the post is that I can no longer sleep like I used to. Those of you who knew me in high school or even in my first year of college know that I never used to have any problem sleeping. I would sleep 16 hours a day if I were allowed... I would go to bed at 11pm and get up at 7am and go to school... then when I got home from school I would take a nap until dinner.

Nowadays I'm lucky if I get 5 hours of sleep. (Though last night I got a good 8 hours and I'm loving it) I think my problem is that my brain just never stops running around in circles, and it forces me to the edge of exhaustion before I can finally get to sleep. But all the solutions to a problem like this seem excessive. They tell me to take medicine for hyperactivity, or for anxiety... but all of this seems overkill. I will just soldier on.

Perhaps this is my body's way of catching up from all the sleep I used to get. Now its depriving me to even the score. Some cruel work of nature.

Migraine

**musical mood preference: The Smiths - Singles (on low volume)**


Migraine, what a lovely way to ruin a day.

Migraine, still less painful than heartbreak.

Excruciating shooting pain in my temples and the base of my neck.

Yay Thanksgiving.

Music and Life

**musical mood preference: Dvorak's New World Symphony**

Part 2



Emerging from the "dark ages" was a slow process that was facilitated by a new love interest (now past and gone, sadly). I was 15 years old when I met a girl who came to change the way I treated myself and the way I considered my own life. I held a crush on this girl for four years before it found an outlet in a relationship that has ended, but which I still treasure in my heart.

My changing attitude was reflected by changing musical interests. From Manson and Zombie, I took to listening to the music of my parents' childhood. The Doors, The Who, The Rolling Stones, Zeppelin, Hendrix, Van Morrison and others populate this era of my musical life.

Also during this time I began to take a greater interest in edgier alternative rock bands of both the national and local persuasion. These included Sublime, Primus, Incubus, Presidents of the United States of America, Deftones, 311 and Live on the national level. Locally, I got into Pinch, Bedford, Teenage Girls, and SEV.

It was shortly after this time that I began to look back to my roots and expanded my CD collection to included dozens of classical and traditional Irish albums. Amongst my favourites within classical were Tcaikovsky's The Seasons, Dvorak's New World Symphony, and Beethoven's 9th Symphony Choral. On the traditional Irish side of things, there was the Chieftains, the Clancy Bros., Tommy Mackem, and Paddy O'Brien.

After a while my interest in Irish music bridged to include rebel bands. I became heavily into the Wolfe Tones and the Irish Brigade. This now seems to me as if it should have happened much sooner than it actually did considering the amount of Irish history I had consumed in the three years prior to my 16th birthday.

For the last five years, my interests have spanned everything listed above as well as dabbling in country music, showtunes, and jazz. Needless to say, I pretty much enjoy all forms of music as long as they are talented. Lately I've been listening to stranger and more obscure music, such as the Lords of Acid, Ween, Neko Case and the Orbital Brothers.

The music currently in my CD changer is a perfect reflection of the variety of my tastes in my music over the last decade. At the moment: Rocky Horror Picture Show Soundtrack, The Guess Who Live American Tour, Anti-Flag's Die For Your Gov't, Teenage Girls' Initial Assault LP, The Who's Tommy, and Alice Cooper's Love It To Death.

As the old adage goes: variety is the spice of life.

Music and Life

**musical mood preference: Nirvana's Bleach Album**

In light of the new Nirvana box set, I feel compelled to spew out useless bits of my personal past for you all to read. Feel free to comment.

Music and Life



Growing up I listened to a lot of classical and traditional Irish music, mostly because of the great influence of my grandparents on my childhood. I still have a soft spot in my heart for both these types of music, but my tastes and musical interests have expanded.

Around the time I was 10 (yes, TEN YEARS OLD), I was exposed to gangsta rap (i.e. Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, NWA, etc.) and became enthralled with the extremely explicit lyrics that my mother so detested. B ut my dad let me buy whatever I wanted, so I took advantage of this parental conflict. I suppose it was my first expression of typically rebellious youthfulness.

My next stage was that of grunge, taking place around age 12. I still consider this type my all-time favourite and also the genre of music that had the most influence on me personally. Nirvana was the major sway during this period of my childhood and inspired me to attempt to play guitar and bass. Sadly, I was never terribly accomplished at either instrument, though I enjoyed and still enjoy playing. Amongst the other groups of grunge I was into were Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, Sonic Youth, and Stone Temple Pilots, as well as many others.

Following my entry into "Junior High", I began what my best friends and family refer to as my "dark ages". Aptly titled, considering the music I started to listen to ... Most notably Marilyn Manson, but also White Zombie, KoRn, Tool, Rage Against the Machine, Snot and Nine Inch Nails. This music made my parents very uncomfortable and I admit now to using that music as an expressive outlet for other problems in my life at the time.

During my "dark ages" I was dealing with a step-father who I hated and who hated me right back; this made for what was an obviously shitty home life. Pooled with the usual amount of teenage angst, this was enough to throw me into an emotional tumult. The "big-time" music I was listening to, combined with the local scene I was involved in, helped me to express my discontent with home life in a way that was safer than many of the alternatives.

And while I still participated in many of this less safe alternatives of rebellion, the music was my grip on reality and in combination with my friends, kept me relatively sane and grounded.

**More later, come on back now, will ya?

Weekend was shit

Well, by the title, you've guessed that I've come about here to complain, to whine. If so, you've guessed RIGHT. GODDAMN RIGHT.

My weekend was excruciatingly boring and came to its apex with a trip around Burlington Coat Factory with my MOM. That was the BEST PART of a 20, soon to be 21, year old guys weekend.

But I suppose that I'm content with that. My car breaking down is better for my grades than anything else I can think of. Sadly, being immobile is one of the few things which forces me to focus on doing my work. So in the long run, I guess I'll be happy; so ignore my blathering!

Beatles - Fill in the blank

**Musical mood preference: fucking guess! (The DAMN Beatles, monkies!)

Answer these with the titles of Beatles songs

Are you female or male:: This Boy

Describe yourself:: Helter Skelter

How do some people feel about you:: The Fool on the Hill

How do you feel about yourself:: I Am the Walrus

Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:: Ain't She Sweet

Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:: Can't Buy Me Love

Describe where you want to be:: Back in the U.S.S.R.

Describe what you want to be:: Day Tripper

Describe how you live:: Happiness is a Warm Gun (not really) how about... With a Little Help From my Friends.

Describe how you love:: Please Please Me. (JUST KIDDING!!!) Hold Me Tight is more like it.

Share a few words of wisdom:: Everbody's Got Something to Hide Except for Me and My Monkey

Deep Red Bells

**musical mood preference: Neko Case & her Boyfriends**

Neko Case makes me drool. I just adore all of her albums and especially this song. Her smoky voice and folky style melts me from the inside.

Deep Red Bells is filled with a sense of dread underlying the lyrics, as are most of the tracks on her whole Blacklisted album. Thru the dark and hidden canvas that constitutes the backdrop to the album, Neko's strong and defiant voice constantly punches star-lit holes to dissipate the caliginous Dis.

The lyrics of "Deep" dance and invoke images in the senses as one takes in the magnitude of this red diva's voice. "Where does this mean world cast its cold eye?/ Who's left to suffer long about you?". Blessed be the goddess of punky-folk-country.

Carless

**Musical mood preference: Clutch**

No, thats not a typo. I am not careless; I am without a car and not feeling too keen about it.

I planned on running a good Friday up at University of Scranton with a tall friend of mine. At the moment it isn't looking as promising as it was just a few hours ago.

Looks like it has turned into a weekend of work and sleep.

Oh well.

On a positive note... Christina Milian is one damn fine lady. Just thought I'd share.

Missing friends, thankful for friends

**Musical mood preference: The Cranberries**

Friends, thought long gone,
Come again to friendships' new dawn.

I love my friends, many of which I've sadly lost regular contact with. I still love and miss them all. They're all a part of me that I treasure and will look fondly on in future.

But I write not for lost friendships but rather because I have re-discovered a friendship I thought had been dissipated. One of my most cherished and long-lasting friendships, fractured by time and circumstance, has been sparked to life again and with much personal need. I need my friends, especially this one. She had been my emotional foundation and my confidant. I want for her to be the same now and for myself to be the same to her.

In the last five years, I've gained a fairly solid grip on my life (in retrospective scrutiny of my so-called "Dark Ages", fondly named such by my parents). Those of you who knew me thru that earlier period know I was a tad on the morose and self-destructive side of life. Things could have been much worse than they turned out to be, in reminiscence.

During this time, I let my circumstances and environment affect who I actually was. I will never allow that to happen again. Currently, my mission in life is to help people as much as I can with words and small actions. I want people I feel connections with to be happy, to be content with who they are and where they are in life. These are the most important things to happiness, in my own experience.

Friendship was a big part of this grasp on my own reality. It was my friends, specifically three people, who subconsciously yet emphatically gave me this push. They probably would never imagine their individual influences would have this effect on my permanent state of mind.

They are, strangely two ex-girlfriends and a best friend of myself and one of those girlfriends. (yeah.. stop and ponder that one for a second.) I'm just extending a long overdue thank you to those people. They will know who they are when reading this last paragraph.

That's all. Thanks.

Counting Down

Ten movies you'd watch over and over:
Full Metal Jacket, Monty Python & the Holy Grail, Animal House, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Taxi Driver, Snatch, Dazed and Confused, anything with Milla Jovovich, High Fidelity (don't ask), Dogma.

Nine people you enjoy the company of:
Brianna, Rachel, my mother, my grandfather, Trish, Ashley, Krystle, Nate, my teammates

Eight things you're wearing:
contacts, patchouli oil, a perplexed look, a pair of tattered jeans, boxers, an undershirt, an old red and black sweater (ala Freddie Krueger), and a nice warm pair of socks.

Seven things on your mind:
course work, loan payments, exhaustion, work, troubled friends, finally moving on, the impending end of the semester and scheduling for spring.

Six objects you touch every day:
computer, kettle, toothbrush, lighter, guitar, pen.

Five things you do every day:
swear in excess, read, take my vitamins ;) , cook, play guitar badly.

Four bands (etc) that you couldn't live without:
Nirvana, Rolling Stones, Teenage Girls, Counting Crows

Three of your favorite songs at this moment:
Counting Crows: "Round Here", The Verve: "The Drugs Don't Work", River City Rebels: "The System".

Two people who have influenced your life the most:
My granda and my friends as a general group.

One person who you love more than anyone in the world:
That question is too tough and vague to answer.

WorthlessWasteOfTime

NUMBER OF...
:x: piercings = 0
:x: tattoos = 0
:x: height = 5'10''
:x: shoe size = 11
:x: hair color = brown
:x: siblings = 2

LAST...
:x: movie you rented = You know, I've no fucking clue.
:x: movie you bought = Holy Grail
:x: song you listened to = Counting Crows' Round Here
:x: song that was stuck in your head = Clutch's Immortal
:x: cd you bought = Spirit of Freedom - Stick your Decommissioning
:x: cd you listened to = a smattering of 50's and 60's rock about cars
:x: person you've called = My mom
:x: person that's called you = Joe Budd
:x: tv show you've watched = re-run of Win Ben Stein's money
:x: person you were thinking of = strangely enough, Rachel Lay
:x: friend[s] you made = a bunch of new people (with an old wonderful friend) from this weekend that I consider friends. thanks for making my weekend great

DO...
:x: you have a crush on someone = no
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = yes, preferably Belfast
:x: you think about suicide = when I was young and stupid, I suppose I did, but now its only an abstract concept.
:x: you believe in online dating = no.
:x: others find you attractive = rarely
:x: you want more piercings = No
:x: you drink = yes
:x: you do drugs = Rarely.
:x: you smoke = only when I'm really, really, really really drunk (sorry Sarah)
:x: you like cleaning = I like cleaning myself, a few other people, and my room and its contents. Oh, and my station.
:x: you like roller coasters = Of course
:x: you write in cursive or print = an ugly amalgamation of each

FOR OR AGAINST...
:x: long distance relationships = against
:x: using someone = against
:x: suicide = Against.
:x: killing people = against
:x: teenage smoking = Against.
:x: doing drugs = free will
:x: driving drunk = against.
:x: gay/lesbian relationships = for.
:x: soap operas = against.

FAVORITE...
:x: food = for some bizarre reason I have been eating alot of Rice Chex, just as a snack. So that's my answer
:x: song = at the moment I love the poetry of Round Here by the Counting Crows, but it changes regularly.
:x: thing to do = Read
:x: thing to talk about = history, politics, literature.
:x: sports = Baseball.
:x: drinks = A simple beer or a simple shot.
:x: clothes = i like wearing my old tattered jeans and my ratty old black and red (now gray and strangely subdued) sweater. comfortable regardless of style
:x: holiday = none in particular, but any which gives me an opportunity to relax

HAVE YOU...
:x: ever cried over a girl = many times.
:x: ever cried over a boy = Yes.
:x: ever lied to someone = Yes
:x: ever been in a fist fight = Yes
:x: ever been arrested = No

WHAT...
:x: shampoo do you use = suave strawberry
:x: shoes do you wear = etnies
:x: are you scared of = losing the people I love.

NUMBER...
:x: of times I have been in love? = one.
:x: number of times I have had my heart broken? = two
:x: of hearts I have broken? = three.
:x: of girls I have kissed? = erm... *blushes* *cough* 20 or so *cough*
:x: of boys I have kissed? = 2
:x: of drugs taken illegally? = 5
:x: of people I would classify as true, could trust with your life? = Five.
:x: of people I consider my enemies? = One
:x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = A few
:x: of scars on my body? = enough to be more careful
:x: of things in my past that I regret? = too many to name or dig up.

FAVORITE...
:x: disney movie(s) = Alladin
:x: word = probably "dammit"
:x: nickname = Rock
:x: guy name = Sean
:x: girl name = Aoife
:x: eye color = dark green/even brown if they're sharp.
:x: flower = i like somali roses.
:x: piercing = on a girl? I like nose piercings but only on certain girls.
:x: actor = Edward Norton
:x: actress = Scarlet Johanssen *drools*

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
:x: pretty = No.
:x: funny = Rarely.
:x: hot = no, but krystle is forcing me to think so. :p
:x: friendly = Yes
:x: amusing = Sometimes
:x: ugly = Not sure.
:x: lovable = I guess
:x: caring = Yes
:x: sweet = at times
:x: dorky = Constantly

Summary of Plato's divided line and ethics. Part 3

Plato was an obviously bright man who understood society's major downfalls are conformity and mass hysteria. He expressed a view that suggested to logical people that society is not always correct and needs to be corrected at times. Conformity is much like power and gets out of hand very readily. Plato wanted those with the capacity for logos to reason what was right and wrong on their own, and not allow society to dictate their ethics.

According to Plato, the happiest person is not necessarily going to be the richest, or most fortunate, but rather the person who uses reason in their every day life, leading to a day-to-day experience of "thinking well". Only a person who thinks well can achieve true long-lasting happiness. Logic, therefore is the key to happiness according to Plato.

Summary of Plato's divided line and ethics. Part 2

Moving down the divided line, we find Plato's concept of the higher ideas, beginning with Mathematics. He believed that math was a constant in all societies all over the world. If you were to travel from Ancient Greece to Ancient China, you would find comparable practices in math and similar concepts of geometry.

The end of this divided line is Plato's idea of the Forms in which are included Truth, Beauty and the Good. As a formalist, he believed what is right is right and wrong is wrong, so the concept of the Forms is easily attributable to that idea. And finally, he believed that to be an ethical person, it was important to look within yourself and discover the higher ideas in your own soul. Plato believed that these ideas were innate within everyone and an inward journey would unlock their mysteries.

Key to Plato's ethics is his tri-partite soul. He claims that the human soul is divided into three parts:

the appetite - greed, hunger
the spirit - pride
and reason to control the spirit and appetite.

He believed that to attain a balance within yourself and the world you must use reason to control the appetite and spirit. If kept at a harmonious balance, one could achieve justice, or excellence. This would lead to a person's soul from the aforementioned three to a higher level of harmony. The appetite becomes Temperance, the Spirt becomes Courage and Reason becomes Wisdom. This makes you a just and ethical human being.

*last part tomorrow

Summary of Plato's divided line and ethics.

Plato's ethics were a giant leap forward for the ancient Greeks, and human thought in general, with regards to higher thought. People continued their polytheistic beliefs along with many innovative mathematical traditions, but what they lacked before Plato was a high realm of logical thinking.

Plato, with Socrates as his guide, provides the ancient world with this realm. These ideas were so unique and so universally graspable that they have continued to live on after 24 centuries time.

Plato's concept of higher ideas was presented first in the form of Divided Line, in which he describes the ideas of a world of flux and a parallel world static in nature. In each of these respective worlds, Plato placed certain parts of human knowledge. Starting at one end, he highlighted the five senses.

Surprisingly progressive for the time, Plato claimed the senses, were nothing but illusionary (something which would later be confirmed with the concept of sensory perception). What we see, hear, feel, etc are all just cerebral translations of what actually IS. Connected to the concept of illusionary sense was the the topic of science. Plato concluded that science itself is not reliable, based on the fact that the facts and concepts of science are based upon sensory data, therefore illusionary in foundation. According to this, the world of flux if largely comprised by the five senses and the sciences.


* more later.